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Bad Girls (and/or Boys, or Other)

People criticize women who want to be "Bad Girls," suggesting that that's some kind of Status Quo Chic.

Maybe so, but consider what the alternative is: a Good Girl (or Boy, or...)

A Good Girl is someone made to order.

A Good Girl is someone who can't/doesn't say no.

A Good Girl is someone so well trained she'd never think of it.

I'm a survivor. The biggest thing abusive people did to me was convince me there was something wrong with no.

Convince me to Be Good.

Good disabled people go for their treatments. Good kids trust adults. Good girls and boys do what they're told. Good patients don't question their doctors. They don't read the consent forms.

And they sure as shit don't say things like "The way this consent form is worded, you can do whatever you want to me if I sign. No, I don't consent to oral surgery if you see fit because I walked in for a tooth cleaning."

Boy, did that one raise eyebrows.

Fuck Good.

If I'm "Bad", it's not because Bad is sexy. It's not because I want to be "sex poxie" or "bi-sexie" (biphobic much, dear?) or whatever the phrase of the day is to get attention. It's sure as shit got nothing to do with being a suckup.

I do what I do because my life is mine, and other people's yardsticks can go to hell.

I am not Good. I spent all of my childhood trying to be Good, in the hopes that if I found that magic key, my abuser would stop, because I'd finally deserve to be treated well.

Good is a violation of autonomy and a tool of control, unless it's my own standard, embraced for my own reasons.

I have no interest in being Good. I have no interest in having the Right kind of sex, no matter who defines it. I'm interested in having the kind of sex I want. I have no interest in figuring out who besides people I'd like to fuck likes that kind of sex, whether it's the Patriarchy, the True Feminists, or the True Asshats from Planet Dillyweed.

I have no interest in figuring out who it Officially Allies Me With or separates me from. I have no interest in changing based on the answer to that question. All that is "Be Good."

It's the same old shit, and when you say it you say it with my abuser's mouth. You want to say you're a feminist? Fine. I don't know and don't care what the hell you are.

All I know is: my answer to Be Good is No.

I'd rather fuck with the sinners than be used like the saints.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:10 am (UTC)
I want to be like you one day.
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:11 am (UTC)
be like yourself today! :)
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:14 am (UTC)
Well, I can do that. I don't want to be a clone of you or anybody. But I want not to let people fuck with my autonomy so easily.
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:15 am (UTC)
No, I know what you meant. I'm just saying.
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:19 am (UTC)
and it's hard. American culture valorizes autonomy in ways that are often really shallow and like: You'll be more independent if you do what we tell you! Ugh.
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:45 am (UTC)
Your post is very well said..when I had my hysterectomy my consultant came with a group of student doctors the morning of my op..she explained to the doctors that I was having a total hysterectomy and my cervix removed..they were all nodding and sucking up to the consultant..I asked what that meant regarding my ability to orgasm and what effect the removal of my cervix would have on sexual feeling in general..turns out I had the option of keeping my cervix, not only maintaining my abilty to orgasm but also making them more intense..if I hadn't have asked and just signed the form I dread to think how unfulfilling my life would be now..I also sacked my aneasthetist the morning of my op because I didn't like her shitty attitude..I ended up with 2 nice men who were lovely..good girls get shit on..always question and stand up for what you want..I totally agree with your post!!
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:47 am (UTC)
Right on. Sometimes being a noncompliant patient saves your sanity. Sometimes fucking like you don't care what anyone else does does the same thing.
Apr. 1st, 2008 12:08 pm (UTC)
(-: Indeed!
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:48 am (UTC)
Trinity for the Win!
I heart this post...

Good is sorely over-rated.

Do what you're told, even if it's not what you want/need/or should do.

Don't complain.

Don't question.

Seen not heard.

Fuck that.
Apr. 1st, 2008 11:50 am (UTC)
Re: Trinity for the Win!
Apr. 1st, 2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
As far as people who've got entire communities of people devoted to making fun of them, I tend to not take their criticisms that seriously. :)

Learning to embrace sex + for me is well articulated here -- when I don't have the words for it. Very much the this-is-the-way-I-am -- why should I be different to suit ... who, exactly?

edited because I fail at re-reading

Edited at 2008-04-01 06:46 pm (UTC)
Apr. 1st, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
"Good Woman" has been used as a tool of oppression for how long? "Be good" is supposed to appeal to people who are paying attention to that shit ... why?

Apr. 4th, 2008 10:43 pm (UTC)
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )


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