Minister of Propaganda for the Decepticon Empire (fierceawakening) wrote,
Minister of Propaganda for the Decepticon Empire
fierceawakening

OMG.

Why do I even bother engaging with these people?

I spent the first 40 years of my life with almost all my body parts intact and functional. I lost a molar to a bad root canal experience once, and I had some tumors excised. Then when I was 40, my leg came off (no, not all by itself), but by that time I had already lived a very full, very complicated life, one which was also a life of absolute able-bodied privilege. Because this is the shape of my life, and because I suspect from the little of your voice that I've read that the shape of your life has been somewhat to very different, I suspect that I have decades of experience being both obvious and invisible in the world which differ dramatically from yours.

I believe, based only on your written voice, that I might be a bit older than you. Notice I do not say that I am more mature, just older, just someone who's been around maybe a bit more, seen more, done more. It's a matter of aggregation, not quality or diversity. The sheer aggregation of real world experiences, over and above the variation in content of each one of mine from each of yours, also must shift my perspective to a different place than yours. If you are in fact older than me, well, same thing. Different aggregations of experience lead to divergent perspective.

The third way in which I believe our perspectives differ is that sex bores me, while you seem to find it quite interesting. I've lived long enough as a woman in America to have been thoroughly saturated with sex. I have already explored sex to the limit of my interest and beyond, bored other people to death talking about it all back when it was of consuming interest to me, and then realized there was other stuff to do and think about, stuff I personally find far more diverting, and moved on. I truly don't care if other people have sex or what kind, as long as it's consensual. However, unless a person talking about sex in my earshot right now is someone I'm sleeping with, or unless they present their tale with particular beauty, love, or humor, I now find I have other things to spend my consciousness upon. As Twisty once put it, I'm just not interested in hearing about other people's "sweaty little hobby."

I am tired. Fucking bone-tired. Of sex-positive perspectives being called silly and immature (oh sorry, "less aggregated" or whatfuckingever.)
I am tired. Fucking bone-tired. Of people who are not interested in sex acting as though those of us who *are*, in a world in which PWD are routinely treated as strange ethereal asexual creatures, are foolish children who should not speak in front of their betters.

I'm so damn upset by this I'm shaking.

Do not assume my disability is invisible.
Do not assume I've not spent nearly thirty years being stared at myself. You know what? I was born like this. I don't have a "normal" to go back to. All that very full life that you spent not being stared at? I spent being asked what the hell happened.
Do not assume my sexuality makes me immature and frivolous.

Do not --

-- oh why the fuck do I bother?

In a world where sex and sexuality are routinely treated as "a sweaty little hobby"

who the fuck am I kidding?

I hate how these things start as perfectly reasonable discussions and then suddenly the Martian logic shows up. "I'm older, so I'm supersaturated with sex" 

implying:

You disagree, so I know either your age, your maturity level, or both

and:

All women reach a point at which libido becomes silly. I know tons of women whose sexuality never did that stereotypical shutoffing thing at middle age. Do they count?

If I don't shut off myself, will I count? Or will I be the freak menopause didn't do the right things to? I've already been the freak puberty didn't do the right things to, so I'll feel right at home, I'm sure.

But I won't be alone, if that happens. Pinky swear. I won't be.

Y'know, saraarts: The feminists who twitter about sex and porn think we the pornified have won. We haven't.

And you know why we haven't? Because most people, in the end, treat sex and sexuality like you. As something that becomes frippery after a certain age.

If you need me I'll be over here in Fuckland, boiling over with the senseless rage of youth.
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  • 37 comments

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